My idea on friendships used to be simple. As long as we're happy when we spend time together, have fun together, and no misunderstandings happen between us, we're good.
But now, i have a different view on friendship. Will they betray me? Do they respect me as a friend? Do they talk to me only when they need me? Are they backstabbing me when i'm not with them?
Maybe i've been through all of this without being able to actually answer any of the questions. Do i feel tired? Yes. I feel like i'm going through it everyday. And i try to forget it every time. Pretending that it's okay when it isn't.
Some might feel that i'm pretentious for not telling how i really feel. But sometimes i wish someone would try to listen to me. At least once in a while.I may be a good listener, but i'm human too. I have my feelings, my regrets, my worries and my joy. I might not be able to express myself well but i hope that you have that patience to deal with me. I just want to share my petty problems like everyone else.
There were so many times that i tried so hard to keep the tears to myself. I barely did it today. I'm not sure if i myself should be the one to blame. I try not to be selfish. I tried to be understanding. But sometimes i don't get it. Is it that hard to understand me?
I don't know if this post is fueled by my disappointment today or the thoughts that i've gathered all these years with people that i know. I'll continue to be how i am today, and continue to find the solution in becoming a better person and friend. And I really thank God for making me a forgetful person. Things that happened too long, bad feelings that i festered on someone, everything can be swept away easily. Maybe i'm just too weak to keep the vengeful feelings for too long.
I should go now. Maybe cry a few buckets so that i can move on. Can't keep it in any longer.
